Relationships: The Instruction Manual

Relationships: probably one of the hardest if not THEE hardest thing in life. Like all things in life, this sort of thing is fragile, convoluted, hard to maintain, and sometimes if not treated right, a BIG problem. Like other things that fit this category, computers or complex machinery for example, have instruction manuals so we are able to use them effectively and avoid serious error. For this blog, I will attempt to write such a manual on relationships, this is one manual you MUST read.

Section 1: thoughts and feelings.

A. Looking for someone

As a lot of people would tell you or imply to you, is that relationships are all about the physical aspects, such as how beautiful or handsome a woman/man is or (more commonly) how sexually attractive another person is. Instead of thinking and looking for such aspects, we need to look for character traits, personality, and interests. Why? Beauty does not last, the person inside does. If you go the other way, there will be no substance in the relationship (which I will talk about later)

B. Guy brain maintenance

Guys: you knew it was coming. For a lot of us, we need to attempt to wipe our brain clean like a corrupted hard drive concerning the way we feel and think about girls. Instead of listing the many thoughts and feelings that are wrong, im going to list the ONLY right way to think about girls, no exceptions. For this I made an acronym to easily remember…

G.I.R.L.

A GIFT that we INVEST in with RESPECT and LOVE.

For the first letter, G, girls are gifts. When you are in a relationship or dating a girl, they are giving of themselves and their time. Just like any other gift, we need to girls as something given to us, something we don’t deserve and that can be easily taken away, something to really appreciate!

For the second letter, I, we need to invest in girls. What does that mean? No we do not need to go to Wall Street, but we do need to at the very least match what girls are giving to us. How do we do that? The last two letters: respect and love. We need to respect them, if they say anything having to do with anything; you need to at least respect that and listen to an opinion, because she is human too, and has the same exact position on anything you do. If a girl says she does not want to kiss or something similar, you must respect that decision and not force anything, for if that is not followed that relationship would (or should) end immediately. Also, the MOST important, is love. There is no relationship without love. Love is a heavy word, it does not simply mean attraction or that you are very fond of someone, it means that you are willing to commit to this person, and it should make you happy to think of yourself and the one you love to be together forever, you should even be willing to die if necessary. So how do we do that? No, we are not going to know how to love like that for a while, we need to learn. It is OK to be with a girl that you are “fond of” or like a lot, love is a learned through experience. The main way to tell is this: If you are getting bored with a relationship, its probably not a good one, on the other hand if you cant get enough of a relationship, its probably very good.

C. Girl Brain maintenance

Girls: I do realize I am a guy and I might be wrong on a number of these topics, so PLEASE tell me if I am.

If you read the boys section, you would have seen me say girls are gifts. Some might be offended by this statement, so let me explain. In terms of a gift, I really mean a privilege. As you know, gifts have value, how do we determine this value? It is my belief, that God created all things and humans were his best creation, so therefore, quite valuable! What’s the point? If girls give of themselves and their time, that is determining their worth by how often or how much they give. What I am saying is, don’t sell yourselves short. If you are just floating around going around with a bunch of guys and not really trying to much to find the one, your basically saying “I am worthless, so I will take what love I can get” This is not what it should be, you should be like a ruthless business person with the latest and greatest product in years, only allowing investors that offer a high investment of love and respect to even get to hang out with you. Are you going to let some punk take advantage of that value? Don’t let him! Does this mean that you turn your nose up to every single guy you see? Of course not, you need to get to know your investors, like an interview. What’s a good investor? Here’s how to tell: If a guy is proud, calling all sorts of cute little names and yanking you around with smooth language and trying to get you to “just relax”, that’s not a good investor, he’s trying to swindle you into a deal, don’t let him! On the other hand, if a guy truly takes interest in you and tries to get to know you and does not try to take advantage in any way and actually apologizes in a legitimate fashion, he is a good investor trying to find a good investment, this is most of the time a good relationship.

Section 2: Existing relationships

A. Is it wrong to…

Ok so now you have a good relationship, fine, what else is the problem? We need to ask few questions first…

1. Is it wrong to kiss?

I am not going to answer this question right or wrong but let you decide for yourself after reading the good and the bad about it. Im sorry but I must list the bad first. Kissing is bad in the way in that it might tempt some people to take things “steps further”. Lots of individuals are controlling however and this may not be thought a problem, and that is fine. Now the other negative, kissing is a way in which you form a bond with someone, a bond that is more painful in the end if it is broken. The more you put into something, the more spills out if tipped over, that is the more you kiss the more pain you may have in a possible break-up. In many people’s opinion, it is better to wait for the first kiss on the wedding day, there for “sealing the lock” and avoiding pain altogether. On the other hand, some people might find it hard to keep a relationship that is so restricting, this is not wrong, God created us to have affection and love for each other, to a certain extent of course; I don’t know of anyone having no problem with an boy and a girl kissing in the park because they love each other, in the exception of a mother with young children. “keep in mind I use the word love as I defined it I this text, it is wrong for two people to make out if it is simply physical attraction.” So kissing can be a good thing, as long as there is commitment and one is sure of working towards a permanent relationship, if you are not at least 90% sure I would hold off until you are.


2. Is it wrong to have sex?

Although I try usually to be in the grey area, sex is one of those areas that I will NOT allow myself to be partial. Sex is something only made for after marriage, God intended it as something a husband and wife who love each other to conceive a child, although it is something that brings pleasure responsibility goes with it; responsibility that requires a marriage. If you love someone it is common that you may also have a sexual attraction to that person, however we often flip that on its head, saying that a sexual attraction is indeed love, this is not in any way true. Here’s an illustration…

A sculpture is being built, in order to be built; two metal rods must be glued together and heated. Many things can go wrong in this process, there might not be enough or any glue and the rods won’t stick or the heat might be applied to early. Only if there is enough glue and heat is applied at the right time right when the first two pieces meet, than the sculpture will be complete, if not it is at risk of falling apart or may not even be a sculpture at all.

We are the pillars, sex is the heat, and our character traits, personalities, and anything in common is the glue. You see, if there’s only sex (heat) and nothing else that would hold a relationship such as traits (glue) a relationship will only be held as long as there is heat, and it won’t last. Also even if there is not enough glue the same thing will happen. The ONLY way for a relationship to work the very best if is first the two people (pillars) join together (marry) with their traits (glue) and then have sex after marriage (heat up) to create an awesome marriage and a lifelong relationship (sculpture).

by Josh Buel

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References

That kinda girl- DC talk (for guys and girls) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvcZkFFn-uA

That Girl- R-Swift (for guys and girls) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHFaK-ZjAGI

Dismissed Vs. Jesus Freak (for Girls, maybe guys) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTVaV31XliM

I don't Want it- DC Talk (for guys and girls) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEpZd6jqmuQ